Two Gapers One Item
by Kream45
Summary: A story about two Gapers, standing next to an item room. Isaac forgot to check out that room, and now they need to wait until Isaac dies, resets or wins the game. In the meantime, they come up with an interesting idea...


Life in the basement was pretty boring. You're a horrible creature, living together with other monstrosities, waiting for that boy Isaac to kill you. Eventually, you'll respawn, but in a different basement.

Would seem like a whole new adventure for Isaac, but for the monsters, it was the same shit all the time. Two Gapers were standing in a room, waiting for Isaac to kill them. Their room was next to a Treasure Room. However, Isaac killed the boss and went to the next floor, forgetting about the Treasure Room.

"Hey, man, did you hear that?", one Gaper asked the other one, "Did Isaac just open the trapdoor and went to the next floor?"

The other Gaper looked at him, "Yeah, it would seem we're the only ones left on this floor.", he said, "What now?"

"Well, if he realizes that he skipped a Treasure Room, he might reset the game.", said the other Gaper. "Since we're here, why don't we meet each other a little better?"

"Man, I'm just a Gaper, it's not like we're any different from all the other Gapers.", the other Gaper responded, " What's there to meet?"

"Yeah, man, it sucks", the other Gaper said. "I think I'll name myself Ben. What do you think?"

"What?", the other Gaper looked at him "I also want a name! I'll be Jack The Anus Destroyer!"

"Nice to meet you, Jack! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)", said Ben. "I think Isaac already realized he skipped an item here, but he must have already found some good items on the next floors, so we'll gonna stay here until he dies, or beats the game."

"Yes, I think so, too.", Jack admitted, and suddenly, he opened his eyes wide "Oh shit, man!", he yelled, "I just came up with something crazy!"

"What's that, Jack?", Ben asked.

"Why don't WE enter the item room, and have some fun with the item?", Jack responded.

"Dafuq, did you not hear, that if a monster exits the room it spawns in, it kills them?"

"No.", said Jack.

"Me neither ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

Ben and Jack carefully stepped towards the Item Room's door.

"You go first.", Jack said, scratching his buttcheeks.

"Why me? It was your idea in the first place"

"Ok, then let's do it together.", Jack decided, "One, two, three!"

Then Jack threw Ben into the Item Room. But he forgot to let go of him, and he flew into the Treasure Room together with him.

"Why did you threw me here?", Ben started to cry, "I'm so fragile!"

"Well, I don't give a shit ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)", Jack smirked, "Besides, it's better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you're not"

"I hate you ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

"( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

After their little argument, they finally looked at the item in the middle of the room. It was Experimental Treatment.

"Hey, look at this", Jack said, looking at the item. "Let's use it"

Ben started to consider the pros and cons of that item.

"I think this thing is some piece of shit garbage item, that can only screw up your stats."

"How so?" Jack sighed, "It's not like we're gonna keep these stats. Once Isaac beats the game, it will reset.

"Then let's use it on your ass! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)", Ben grabbed Jack and inserted the syringe inside Jack's anus.

…

"OMG!" Jack started to shake like if he was on crack, scattering poop everywhere.

"What's going on, Jack?", Ben started to worry, "Do you feel any different?"

Jack stopped shaking.

"Ben,", he said, "My damage and speed are now over 9000!"

"LOLWUT!" Ben lolwuted, "That's kreyzieh!"

"Yeah, but my HP is now 1.", he stated.

"Oh, it's not that big of a problem.", Ben claimed, "I think you know, what we should do now? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

"( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

Ben and Jack decided to go to the next floors and catch up with Isaac and kill him.

They went to the Basement II, and later to the Catacombs, Depths, and Womb.  
They saw Isaac just killing It Lives.

"Ben, quick!" Jack screamed, "We must hurry and follow him to the Cathedral, before the light stream disappears!"

Ben started to breath heavily, "Shit man, I don't have your speed!", he said and quickly jumped into the Cathedral with Jack.

They caught Isaac up just before he entered the Isaac boss fight.

"Isaac!", Jack challenged him, "I, Jack The Anus Destroyer, will officially destroy your anus here and now!"

"Yeah, tell him! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)", Ben cheered on him.

Isaac looked at them, "Lol, you aren't supposed to be on this floor, you fags. I'll destroy you with just one shot."

Then, Jack quickly appeared behind his back and destroyed him and his anus."

"Wow!", Ben screamed with amazement, "You really are THE Anus Destroyer!"

But then, Edmund McMillen quit the game and patched it. Now, monsters can't do this kind of shit.

 **The End.**

In the pre-alpha stage of the game, The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth was 500 TB big, and contained milions of random possible dialogues and events, occurring in the game, things not even the creators could predict. However, McMillen stated that the game may be unfair and to unpredictable to the player, and he removed those features. Don't believe it?

Me neither ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


End file.
